So, your band has become one of the biggest sensations of the last year, winning countless awards, being championed by Elton John and performing with the Muppets. What do you do next?

1) “Break” the US
2) Get a ropey new hairdo
3) Piss all your money up the wall
4) Keep your money, but piss on the wall anyway
5) Piss on your money, from on top of the wall
6) Using all of your money, build a wall of piss (Damien Hirst might be able to help here)

Any of the above is accceptable, to be honest. But whatever you do, don’t quit the band to work on a ‘side project’.

Ana Matronic, we’re talking to you.

Whatever else you think of the OC, you’ve got to admire the way they champion new music.

The Killers, Beck and Modest Mouse have all appeared on the show, and the soundtrack regularly features relatively unknown UK bands.

The show even knows that its music is a little bit, shall we say, angsty. In one recent episode, Seth realises: “I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.”

All of this is down to one person – Alexandra Patsavas – who’s employed by the programme specifically to oversee the music. “[It was] always intended that music be a character on the show,” she tells IGN.com in a new interview.

Check it out, bitch.

This very pretty picture of a tree is, apparently, what graphics will look like on the Xbox 2.

I’m sure we can all agree that it is technically accomplished, and a fair improvement over the last generation of console graphics. Ho hum.

Not so at gamesradar. They’ve gone slightly overboard:

“We want Xbox 2 right now and, if you even remotely like games, you should want it too… Imagine how good Halo on Xbox 2 is going to look. It is going to be the most beautiful game in the world, no question.”

That’s surely one of the most depressing pieces of games journalism ever written. It’s gushing, lacking in perspective, and desperately nerdy. It reads, in fact, like it’s come from an internet message board.

Furthermore, gamesradar seems to be an hormonal teenage boy. It can’t wait to run through this beautifully rendered forest “shooting at aliens and other players”.

Yawn! What game hasn’t been doing that since 1993?

Rather than better graphics, the next generation of consoles needs to concentrate on broadening the appeal of games. And, as the Eyetoy and the Nintendo DS prove, visual prowess matters much less in this arena than making games that people can pick up and play.

So, show me something new. I’m not upgrading my games machine unless it offers something more than “Videogame trees have never looked this good before.”

It’s barely been reported, but one of the most influential soul singers of the ’70s passed away this week.

Lyn Collins, called ‘one of the most sampled female artists of all time’ in mindless press agency obituaries, was in fact the most passionate and skillful of James Brown’s coterie of R&B; vocalists.

You’ll probably know her from the line,
“It takes two to make a thing go right / It takes two to make it out of sight”.

That ad-lib, from her biggest hit “Think (About It)”, was sampled by both Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock, and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince in the ’80s.

But there’s plenty more where that came from, including the sublime “Mr Big Stuff”. You should check it out if you can.

This could be hopelessy behind the times, but I’d like to direct your attention to the superb Black Melody website:
www.blackmelody.com

Therein, Sir Richard of X talks with his public, revealing manys-a-fact about his recording exploits.

For example, “Michelle from Liberty X got her arm caught in a pulley when we did the National Lottery.”

Hopefully it’ll be be updated soon with tales of hellish debauchery while Rachel Stevens’ new single was being ‘tracked’.