Worried about listening to Coldplay’s new single, Violet Hill, at work?
Have no fear, for here it is in text form:

0:00 – 0:41 Here is some pleasant ambience noise which will take the running time over the crucial three minute mark.
0:42 – 0:46 Chris Martin’s vocals have got “slapback” reverb on them, just like the Beatles used to use.
0:46 – 0:50 He sounds more like Liam Gallagher on All Around The World, though.
0:50 – 0:52 “There was snow,” exclaims Chris. “White snow” What other type is there, you buffoon?
1:00 – 1:05 This bass line is actually very funky
1:18 – 1:23 THE CHORUS “If you love it, won’t you let me know?” That’s all you’re getting, by the way. One solitary line.
1:46 – 1:48 The word bible is rhymed with rifle. Controversial!
2:14 – 2:16 Is the record stuck?
2:17 – 2:48 No, it is not. And here is a guitar “solo” (the same riff repeated over and over again for 30 seconds)
3:09-3:49 Piano coda. Chris does his trademark singing-like-a-wounded-animal “schtick”. Then it stops.

All in all, it is rather good. Goddamn them.

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