Here is the 3,892,876,964,263,825,111th Robyn video this month:

Robyn and Christian Falk - Dream On

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

If ever there was a time to use the phrase "milking it", that time would be now.

Robyn - Cobrastyle


Cobrastyle, a cover of a song by Swedish alt-rock group the Teddybears, used to be an extra track on Robyn's Konichiwa Bitches EP. Now it's apparently good enough to be a single. Which means there have been, like, ninety singles released from the Robyn album now.

And it's only got 15 tracks on it...

Amazingly, they're even planning to put out a new version of the record for Christmas - the fourth time it's been repackaged. And, yes, it'll have a bonus track (a rejigged version of Dream On) which is also coming out as a single.

As much as I love Robyn, and as fantastic as all these records are, I'd dearly love to hear some new material. It's been three years, for goodness sake!

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

Having definitively conquered the UK last year, Swedish starlet Robyn is off in the States trying to convert them to her cult of kooky pop, too.

As is often the case, going to the US means reshooting videos on a larger scale - bigger budgets, more special effects and zappier editing for those short American attention spans.

So what move has Robyn made in her attempt to appeal to her new target market? Erm, she's walking around awkwardly in front of a cut-out picture of a sky scraper (they're American, see?)

In her next video, Robyn will be seen eating a cheeseburger and illegally invading the middle east.

Robyn - Handle Me (US Version, teaser)

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

I've never thought of Robyn as hot before, but...


...this is total hotness, no?

The shot is from the fifth (and last?) video from her all-conquering Robyn album. A little less frenetic and a little more expensive than her previous efforts, it suits the strong lyrics of empowerment that encapsulate the singer's whole self-made ethos.

Yummy.

Robyn - Who's That Girl

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

According to Last.fm there is something called the "Swedish Invasion" happening. Before you get too excited at the prospect of eating from smorgasboards and playing chess with death, I have to inform you that this invasion is of the musical, not the military, kind.

Last.fm has based this dubious piece of reporting on the success of Robyn and Peter, Bjorn and John who, between them, have three top 10 singles. So it's less of an invasion, more of a poorly-planned booze cruise.

Nonetheless, there is plenty of good music emanating from those Scandinavian shores. The Knife, The Ark, The Concretes and other "the" bands are tremendous fun, and I've just discovered a lady called Lykke Li (I can only hope you pronounce her name as though you're saying "likely" in a deeply sarcastic tone of voice).

The video for her single, I'm Good, I'm Gone, features a who's who of the Swedish music scene. Ted Malmros from the Shout Out Louds directed it, Daniel Värjö from the Concretes is in it, and Robyn even puts in a barely-audible appearance on backing vocals.

Seemingly captured in one take at a rehearsal, the camera swoops and dives around the band, who stand in a ramshackle circle to keep themselves in time with one another. It really captures the joy of playing live and hitting on a vibe - with all the musicians dancing along and using their instruments as makeshift percussion when they're not required in the context of the song.

You'll be clapping along yourself by the end of the clip.

Lykke Li - I'm Good, I'm Gone


PS: Lykke Li has just released her debut album, Youth Novels, which is produced by Bjorn of Peter and John fame. You can get it off her webpage if you like.

Labels: lykke li, Music, Robyn, video

In which we find some of my favourite upcoming singles, retooled by some of the nation's foremost knob twiddlers.

:: The Ting Tings - A Great DJ (Calvin Harris mix)
Sproingy disco beats + shouty chorus = arms-aloft party anthem.

:: Duffy - Mercy (Thankful mix)
Better because it is longer.

:: Kylie - Wow (CSS remix)
This doesn't add much, save a few synth noises and a cowbell, but it frames Kylie's vocals much more sympathetically than the original.

:: Snoop Dogg - Sexual Eruption (Fyre Department mix feat Robyn)
Yes, that Robyn! She's turned Snoop's superfly 70s porno talkbox ballad into a europop 90s porno talkbox ballad. "Snoop Dogg, I'm going to sex you up," she trills. Amazing.

:: Janet - Feedback (various remixes)
The R&B one, the dance one, the Timbaland one. They're all here.

Labels: calvin harris, CSS, duffy, Janet Jackson, kylie, MP3, Music, Robyn, snoop dogg, Timbaland, ting tings

Happy New Year! And, looking forward at our past, here are the top 10 albums from the Discopop Towers ghettoblaster in 2007.

1) ROBYN - ROBYN



Sounds like: Early Madonna, with better jokes.

The critics say: “Is it any good? No. IT IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!” (popjustice)

We say: Okay, so this came out in Sweden three years ago but it’s still the freshest, deadliest pop album to hit these shores in aeons. Robyn pens a killer hook, but her real skill is in the lyrics, which can be heartbreaking (“It’s a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain”), sentimental (“I would knit you mittens and make you pie”) or out-and-out comedy (“I’ll make your balls bounce like a game of ping pong”). One for the rewind button every time.

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2) ARCADE FIRE - NEON BIBLE



Sounds like: Twelve monks who are, like, really depressed about the future.

The critics say: “A magical kingdom of noise that's equal parts Disney's Fantasia and Echo & The Bunnymen's lavish Ocean Rain.” (Q magazine)

We say: Post-millennial angst you can sing along to. Planes crash into buildings, families are ripped apart by war, a big black tidal wave comes to wipe out the population. Not the cheeriest album of the year, but certainly the most epic.

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3) CSS - CANSEI DE SER SEXY



Sounds like: A kids party in a mental asylum.

The critics say: “Lots of handclaps, woo woo backing vocals, and laughs amid funny observations about contemporary urban hipster life reveal an assured and charming debut.” (Stylus magazine)

We say: Hey, it’s another album that’s technically three years old. Did I ever say I was a hip and with-it indie scenester? No, I did not.

Anyway, CSS are brilliant. Bouncy, stupid and colourful – they could only have come from Sao Paolo. The lyrics verge on nonsense (“Am I a mouse? Am I an elephant?!”) yet often reveal something deeper on repeated listens. But Cansei De Ser Sexy (tired of being sexy) is mostly designed for jumping up and down to in a student disco with a bacardi breezer and an ironic t-shirt. Ah, the memories.

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4) AMERIE - BECAUSE I LOVE IT



Sounds like: A modern r&b record that knows its roots.

The critics say: “It would be no exaggeration to call Amerie one of the greatest singers in pop music. Her vocal performances are extraordinary: she catches the fleeting thrills and momentary rushes of intensity that permeate otherwise mundane days, and stretches those feelings out across four-minute songs without ever letting up.” (The Guardian)

We say: R&B is in a bit of a lull these days, which is why it’s so utterly criminal that this sparkling firecracker of an album did so badly. The record company hasn’t even bothered to release it in the US, which means it could be one of the great lost records of our time.

Amerie, who takes on a great deal of the writing duties for her third album, has a fantastic understanding of her soul music forebears and pays tribute to the likes of Smokey Robinson, Issac Hayes and Dozier-Holland-Dozier throughout. Not that this is a Winehouse-esque pastiche of latter-day r&b. Every lesson she learned from those masterminds of composition has been updated and spun in new directions, underscored by that fantastic voice. 2007 didn’t have a better soul workout than Gotta Work, a funkier guitar line than Take Control, or a more sugary pop confection than Crush.

Seriously, you have got to buy this album.

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5) GIRLS ALOUD - TANGLED UP



Sounds like: A girl band growing up.

The critics say: “Unbeatable future pop hits.” (NME)

We say: It didn’t seem possible a year ago that a band who would release a tired, by-numbers cover of I Think We’re Alone Now would emerge re-invigorated to produce an album this fresh. The traditional Girls Aloud formula still stands – preposterous song structures, brain-eating hooks – but the mood is a little more melancholy than before. Call The Shots, their best single since Biology, is a minor-key pop wonder, while future single I Can’t Speak French is a sultry mid-tempo sleazefest. Top marks all round.

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6) RADIOHEAD - IN RAINBOWS



Sounds like: A Radiohead album.

The critics say: “The first time I listened to Radiohead's In Rainbows, I loved it, no holds barred. Joy warmed my ears as the album's 10 songs poured forth from a freshly unzipped download.” (Los Angeles Times)

We say: I didn’t wet my pants quite as readily as everyone else, but In Rainbows is a fantastic album, and probably the most direct record Radiohead have released since The Bends. You can hear what Thom Yorke is singing, you can hum most of the tunes, but you’d still be hard pressed to replicate most of the songs on an acoustic guitar. The ones that you can, however, are stunning . Among them are Nude, Faust Arp and Reckoner – some of the most beautifully haunting ballads the band have ever written.

On another note - I never thought I’d see the day when Thom Yorke cribbed lyrics from Madonna’s Justify My Love. But on House Of Cards he really does sing “I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to be your lover”. Amazing.

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7) DRAGONETTE - GALORE



Sounds like: Goldfrapp snogging Britney Spears in a strip club toilet.

The critics say: “A 21st Century Eurythmics” (Uncut)

We say: This one crept in under the radar and burrowed its way into our mind with the cunning use of big, fat choruses from planet singalong. Dragonette, a Canadian band managed by the team behind the Scissor Sisters, plough a similar furrow to their New York counterparts. That is to say, glittery synth-driven pop with an undercurrent of sleaze. My particular favourite is Competition – a song about stealing someone from their girlfriend by being better in bed (“Goodness I like this, being your mistress,” purrs singer Martina Sorbara). No-one seems to have heard of them, and the album is rarer than a French beefsteak, but I still love it.


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8) SIOBHAN DONAGHY - GHOSTS



Sounds like: A ginger Kate Bush.

The critics say: “Nobody else in 2007 is making records this bold, this big-hearted and this defiantly different.” (Digital Spy)

We say: Siobhan, the first former Sugababe, surpassed the ambition and invention of her former colleagues this year but she paid the price for releasing such a wayward, complex album without the calling card of a radio-friendly single. If you’re going to be Kate Bush or Tori Amos, you need a Wuthering Heights or Cornflake Girl to alert people to your presence. But for those prepared to investigate, this is pop on a grand scale: sweeping strings, icy melodies and choruses like a warm bath (I’m not quite sure what that means, but I think you get the point).

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9) TIMBALAND - TIMBALAND PRESENTS SHOCK VALUE



Sounds like: Robot hip-hop from the only producer in the game.

The critics say: “It would be more accurately titled Timbaland Presents Slight Confusion or Timbaland Presents an Uneven Mess.” (Allmusic)

We say: Admittedly, only 11 of Shock Value’s 19 tracks still exist on my iPod, but those tracks are stunning. And, even when the album fails, you have to give Timbaland credit for attempting to broaden his musical palette. Rather than go down the Dr Dre route of calling up all his famous mates (although Justin and Nelly do appear), he has roped in The Hives, Fall Out Boy and Elton John to create some of the album’s stand-out tracks.

My favourite, however, is the UK-only bonus track – Come Around – which features underground rap star M.I.A. Her slinky delivery is, for once, not drowned out by superfluous sound effects and rave sirens as Timbaland gives a masterclass in how to frame a woman’s vocals. The song is only let down by the hip-hop supremo’s own rapping which, at its best, is hopeless. “Baby girl, you and me / Need to go to your tipi”. Oh dear.

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10) RIHANNA - GOOD GIRL GONE BAD



Sounds like: A collection of songs assembled by big-name r&b producers and sung by a very lucky lady from Barbados.

The critics say: “Beyonce's superstar status is not in danger, but she should hand her A&R man a copy of this album.” (The Observer)

We say: Umbrella is great. Don’t Stop The Music is great. The rest of Good Girl Gone Bad is very good assembly-line pop. You don’t learn anything about Rihanna, the 19-year-old musical phenomenon with a pretty nose, whose whiny voice will almost certainly begin to grate by the second half of the record. And, with the exception of the one about the precipitation-repelling device, you won't be singing any of these songs three years from now.

If I sound like I don’t like Good Girl Gone Bad, it’s because I’m a little frightened of what it represents – that lots of money can buy you a hit album regardless of your talent. So, while this is my 10th most listened-to album of the year (this list is based on my iTunes play counts) I’d prefer to give the “award” to Stargate, Timbaland, Redzone and all the other production teams, rather than Rihanna who had her photograph taken for the picture on the cover.

...And on that grumpy note, let’s look forward to the next 12 months of music!

Labels: amerie, arcade fire, CSS, dragonette, Girls Aloud, Music, radiohead, rihanna, Robyn, siobhan donaghy, Timbaland, top ten

If you don't own these, you're probably a paedophile.

1) Amerie - Gotta Work


An updated, improved version of One Thing, Gotta Work stomps all over the dancefloor like a giant in hotpants. Using a sample of Isaac Haye's Hold On, I'm Coming, Amerie crafted a case study in melodic composition - there's not a single wasted note across three minutes and eleven seconds. Why this didn't get to number one, I'll never know.
:: Watch it on youtube

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2) Robyn - With Every Heartbeat

"Still dying with every step I take, but I don't look back," sings Robyn as With Every Heartbeat opens. It's the most emotionally honest, bitterly painful song of the year - if not all time. The bit where the string quartet kicks in will break your heart a thousand times over. Her acoustic performance of the song on Radio One probably drove several teenagers to poetry or that weird sobbing where you make a noise like Hannibal Lecter when you breathe in. But you can dance to it, too, which must turn school discos into a dangerous playground of tears and snot. Brilliant.
:: Watch it on youtube

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3) CSS - Let's Make Love and Listen To Death From Above

The best drunken come-on of the year, Let's Make Love sees Lovefoxxx making a stupid, Bridget Jones-style attempt to get a man into bed. The song doesn't record whether or not she was successful, but I definitely would.

According to Wikipedia, the hook "is probably a reference to the Canadian band Death From Above 1979, as evidenced in the song's video where band members are shown wearing elephant masks (a reference to the "elephant heads" on the cover of Death From Above 1979's album You're a Woman, I'm a Machine)." So now you know.
:: Watch it on youtube

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4) Rihanna - Umbrella

In which 19-year-old Robyn Rihanna Fenty transformed from a vaguely-interesting Barbadian R&B lady into a globe-straddling pop behemoth before our very eyes. This despite the fact her singing voice is more nasal than an anteater, and that the opening rap from Jay-Z is the very definition of "phoned in". But this record is so amazingly catchy that it has changed the way we pronounce the word umbrella for the rest of all time.
:: Watch it on youtube

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5) Girls Aloud - Call The Shots

If Rihanna mangled her pronunciation of umbrella, Cheryl Tweedycole put the word "now" through a primeval torture device in Call The Shots. Seriously, it ends up being seventeen syllables long or something. But I love this song, and anyone who says they don't love it too it is lying through their dirty mouth.
:: Watch it on youtube

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6) Groove Armada - Song 4 Mutya

Despite the lyrics, Mutya almost certainly doesn't know all the words to Prince's Hot Thing, but this pop song, full of meaty synths and New Order guitar lines, sounds exactly like the sort of thing the little purple man would have written for one of his filthy protegés in the mid-80s. The video is a crock of shit, though.
:: Watch it on youtube (but it's probably best not to waste your time)

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7) Beyoncé and Shakira - Beautiful Liar

Two of pop's shoutiest ladyfolk have a volume competition over a slinky, arabesque beat. The video contains several scenes of wiggling. It is altogether smashing.
:: Watch it on youtube

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8) Girls Aloud - Sexy! No, No, No...
Nadine has a "d-d-dirty mind", she helpfully tells us in this hymn to sexual caution. Coincidentally, two years ago she used the lyrics of Biology to advertise her "dirty brain". We, the public, demand more information about this inner pervert.
:: Watch it on youtube

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9) Siobhan Donaghy - Don't Give It Up

It is a terrible crime that, despite having released one of the most inventive albums of the year, Siobhan Donaghy is now dying from Aids (on stage in a crappy "reinvention" of Rent, fact-fans). This song, equal parts Kate Bush and Bjork, is absoulte nonsense - but very beautiful, stately nonsense with an ethereal vocal. No doubt it was deemed "too demanding" for the cretins that listen to Radio One. If only she had put "The" in front of her name, they might have paid attention.
:: Watch it on youtube

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10) Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

One of those songs that sits unloved and overshadowed on its parent album before revealing its true glory as a single. A slinky little minor-key ballad, its one of Nelly's more atmospheric songs, although I've never really paid attention to what it's all about. According to the internet, however, the lyrics go: "From my hands I could give you something that I made / From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid". Nelly Furtado is nuts, isn't she?
:: Watch it on youtube

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PS: As ever, the top 10 list is put together using my iTunes play counts and a bit of maths(!) to even out the bias towards songs that have been around all year.

PPS: Honourable mentions also go to The Klaxons - Golden Skans, White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is, Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control, Take That - Shine, Mark Ronson - Stop Me, The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name, Kanye West - Stronger, Arcade Fire - Intervention, Timbaland ft Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado - Give It To Me, New Young Pony Club - The Bomb.

Labels: amerie, Beyoncé, CSS, Girls Aloud, Music, mutya, Nelly Furtado, rihanna, Robyn, Shakira, siobhan donaghy, top ten

I'm about a week behind the times with this, but pop pixellette Robyn has premiered the video for her new single, Be Mine!

Directed by Mat Vitali, it features the Swedish singer writhing around in a furry coat, looking sad in a cafe and wearing a Who's That Girl T-shirt (a reference to one of her album tracks, not the Madonna film, fact fans).

But! Robyn has already got a video for Be Mine, from when it was released in Sweden two years ago. In it, Robyn has no hair, wears a succession of wigs, and looks sad in a bathroom. These two videos are literally worlds apart.

So which one is best? You decide.

Robyn - Be Mine! (version 2007)


Robyn - Be Mine (version 2005)

Labels: Music, Robyn, video, vote

Robyn played her sad songs with a string quartet in a church and people liked it and Jo Whiley said she liked it but Jo Whiley always says that doesn't she?

Only this time she was right.


This really is a picture of Robyn. I need a new phone quite badly.

I was chatting to Robyn before the show and she let slip that she had demo'd some new material for her next album. Unfortunately, she doesn't reckon she'll be able to get into the studio to record it properly before the end of 2008.

In the meantime, her new single Be Mine! comes out on 30th December. She'll be releasing a single edit of the poppy, Papa Don't Preach-style album version - but I prefer this acoustic take recorded in Sweden in 2005.

Robyn - By Mine (acoustic)


Setlist:
Dream On
Handle Me
Bum Like You
Eclipse
Be Mine!
Show Me Love
With Every Heartbeat

Labels: Music, Review, Robyn, video

Good heavens above! Someone has locked petite pop star Robyn in a box and filmed it for the telly.

It's a bit like that creepy/rubbish film Boxing Helena, except no-one amputates Robyn's limbs.

At least I hope not, I didn't manage to watch the whole thing.

Robyn - Handle Me


For context and evaluation purposes, here is another video with a pop star in a box.

Tori Amos - Silent All These Years

Labels: Music, Robyn, tori amos, video

Our favourite pop pixie, Robyn, has just been on Radio One's Live Lounge. She performed a heartbreaking acoustic version of her current top 10 hit With Every Heartbeat, as well as a cover Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. It was perfectly marvellous.

I've snipped together some clips of the session and you can listen to With Every Heartbeat right here and Since You Been Gone over there. You can even download an MP3 of the whole appearance by heading in this direction if you're that way "inclined".

In related news, Timbaland's The Way I Are is only 370 sales ahead of Robyn's single in the mid-week charts. If we make a concerted effort, we can send her to number one (the CD single is a particular bargain with seven barnstorming remixes, just like in the olden days). You know it makes sense, if only as part of a wider campaign against bad grammar.

Thank you. Bye.

Labels: MP3, Music, Robyn

I've been banging on about tiny Swedish poplet Robyn since last November, and it looks like the rest of the world is starting to catch up.

After a couple of false starts, her new single, With Every Heartbeat, is all over Radio One. I even heard it in the all-important "first song after the news" slot this morning. She's also booked to do a live lounge session with Jo Whiley on 8th August (here's hoping she does her version of Prince's Jack U Off) and she's playing the very swanky Bush Hall in London - the venue where Lily Allen launched her album last year - on 7th September.

All of this off the back of a self-produced, self-released album. Now that really is nothing short of a miracle given the parlous state of the music industry at the moment.

However, there is still work to be done. With Every Heartbeat comes out on 30th July (digital) and 6th August (if you can find a record store any more). Let's pool all of our 79 pences and send it to the top 10. You know it makes sense.

Shame the video is such a ropey load of twaddle, though.



Click here to read my collected Robyn ramblings

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

So, Robyn's album didn't even make the top 75 last week. Honestly, what is the world coming to when a website with a weekly readership of 500 can't hype a record into the charts? I read somewhere that Liberty X got a number one by selling their nan a teapot that played Just A Little when you poured a cuppa, so what's going on here? It's a right ruddy palaver, I tells ya.

Anyway, I'm not going to stop banging on about Robyn's (excellent) self-titled CD just because no-one is prepared to buy it. I am like a tiny insect with impeccable taste flying at great speed towards a juggernaut of indifference in the full belief I can stop it dead in its tracks. I am also inept at metaphor.

To get to the point:
1) Robyn did a live session for Radio One on Sunday night.
2) It was on at 1:30am.
3) You probably missed it.
4) Here are the MP3s.

Cobrastyle

Konichiwa Bitches

With Every Heartbeat

Jack U Off

Be Mine

Labels: MP3, Music, Robyn

:: If Swedish popstar Robyn could be any domestic appliance, she would be a dishwasher because they are "very useful"

:: The comedic impact of that question may have been lessened because Robyn did not know the term domestic appliance.

:: Natasha Bedingfield says the last time she feel asleep in public, she was sunbathing on a beach in New Zealand. Lucky bitch.

:: Doctor Who star Freema Agyeman insists that the sonic screwdriver is "not just a blue torch - it's magic".

:: There was a thing about Samantha Mumba on Channel 4 which everyone said was brilliant, but we missed it.

:: The police said a man was very irresponsible for skiing down escalators in London and making a video of it, thereby ensuring everyone would go and have a look for it on the youtubes.

:: Elton John had his birthday spoiled when Your Song was awarded the 20th Worst Lyric Ever prize by some website. The cuplrit: "If I was a sculptor - but, then again, no." [full list here]

:: Also, Robyn played a concert in London with two drummers, which is like something out of a wet dream. She also did two versions of her super Swedish single Be Mine - which went a bit like this:

Be Mine - Electro


Be Mine - Acoustic


Have a great weekend!

Labels: humour, Music, natasha bedingfield, Robyn, TV, video

You will not have noticed that fantastic pop singer Robyn, from the fantastically Scandanavian country of Sweden, is releasing her fantastic single, Konichiwa Bitches, in the UK this week. This is a shame, as it is fantastic (I may have mentioned this already).

Now, look, I know that when you read about some artist you've never heard of, on some blog of little or no importance, your main reaction is to hit the Google button and look up hamster porn. Fair enough, we've all been there. But Robyn is actually one of those rare pop stars that'll get you unfeasibly excited down in your spangly pants.

Put it this way - How often does a UK record company listen to a two-year-old pop album from Sweden and think: "Hey, we should release this over here?". That's right - never.

Robyn's album sounds like pop when Madonna used to do it, but with street-smart, funny lyrics given an irresistably gossipy delivery. I cannot emphasise enough that I love this record. Buy the single, then buy the album next week.

But, music industry lawsuits aside, I suggest you buy the album off CD-Wow. They have the original European version, which has the gumption to mix the balls-out pop songs with some quieter, acoustic moments. For the UK they've inexplicably remixed the ballads into a terrible pastiche of Europop (a bit like Scooch, now you come to mention it). It robs the album of some of the light and shade which makes it so exceptional*.

By way of example, here are the original and remixed versions of album track Bum Like You. You'll get the idea fairly quickly.
:: Robyn - Bum Like You (Original Mix)
:: Robyn - Bum Like You (UK Mix)

PS: I'm interviewing Robyn later this week. Put your questions in the comments box and I'll ask them. Nothing about marriage or bumsex, please.

PPS: I just checked, and the album is £4.99 on CD-Wow. £4.99!!!!!!1. If you don't buy it now, you'll only spend that money on sweets, thus storing up a lifetime of weight problems, gum disease and heart problems.

*The UK version of Robyn's album does benefit from 2 extra tracks, both of which are very, very good. But you can get them quite legally online once you've bought the decent version of her album.

Labels: MP3, Music, Robyn

Hooray! I actually managed to get two tickets for Take That's Beautiful tour this morning, despite every website and "hot"line in the country crashing under the sheer weight of Thatties (or, more likely, ticket touts) trying snap up all the precious seats.

The gigs-and-tours.com website was so stressed by the whole process that it omitted to tell me what date my tickets were for, or where in the so-called "02" arena I'd be sitting.

No doubt that means I've got to watch the gig from a burger van in the car park. But, hey, at least that improves my chances of bumping into Gary Barlow...

The concert's not til December, so in the meantime why not download an MP3 of that Arctic Monkeys' single I was talking about yesterday [via zshare] and tell me what you think about it?

Also, to round off the utter random-ness of this post, here is a gratuitous picture of George Clooney with a brolly.

Labels: arctic monkeys, Music, Robyn, take that

Most pop stars these days come with a heavy dose of irony. As if they're saying "we know this is all a bit silly and frivolous, but bear with us - the chorus will be good".

Not so with Robyn. She makes pop songs like they used to be when Madonna and Michael Jackson ruled the charts and put every fibre of their existence into making the catchiest, danciest, swing-your-pantsiest music you could buy with your pocket money.

I've discussed Robyn before [here]. I called her Missy Elliot on four litres of fizzy lemonade and a lungful of helium. I could also have said 'perky pop ninja'; 'supersonic swedish sexpot'; 'tiny musical atom bomb'; or 'punky electric princess'. She will quite literally slap you in the tits and make you dance.

Robyn's emponymous 2005 album, the best pop record since True Blue, is finally on its way to the UK (although you can already import it from CD Wow). Lead single Konichiwa Bitches is out on 26 March and the video is, as "they" say, the bomb:



I like the bee costume best.

Labels: Music, Robyn, video

Here it is, then, the Discopop Directory Totally Unbiased Top 10 Singles of 2006. As ever, instead of using any critical faculty, this is completely based on iTunes play counts - plus an amazing little bit of algebra that stops records from the start of the year automatically getting to the top of the list. That's what an AS-Level in maths will do for you, folks.

So, from the top...

1) Nelly Furtado - Maneater
Was there ever any doubt that Maneater would top the list? It's a perfectly crafted pop single, starting off with a massive drumbeat that screams "look at me", which is immediately followed (and this is a measure of just how brilliant the writing is) by the line "Everybody look at me".

Do. You. See. What. They. Did. There? Pure genius.



2) The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes
I was surprised at this, too. Granted, it toddles along very pleasantly with a crunchy guitar hook and one of those melodies they used to write in olden times, when men rode horses and women had big skirts for the hiding of turnips inside. But the song has probably made its way to the top because it's suitable for every occasion. I've played it in the car, at parties, and in my pyjamas. What a saucepot, eh, viewers?



3) Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
This clearly should have been at number two. I'm currently looking at all that maths and trying to see if I got it wrong somewhere.

I hope I get marks for my working out.



4) Amy Winehouse - Rehab
They tried to make her go to rehab. But do you know what she said? She said NO. Thrice.

What's more, she did it all over a pseudo-Motown funky soul backbeat that made everyone go "oooh, she's not half bad, is she?". Top marks, too, for referencing Donnie Hathaway and Ray Charles.

And did you see Winehouse's fantastic appearance on TV pop quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks???





5) Robyn - Konichiwa Bictches
Shame on you, punters, for not buying this sugary slab of fizzy pop. It's as good as a Wham bar, only on CD. Here's a sample of the words in the song, which are completely nutso-bonkers:

I'll hammer your toe
Like a pediatrician
Saw you in half
Like I'm a magician
Tear you down
Like I'm in demolition
Count you out
Like a mathematician

Luckily for you, its being re-released in 2007. Buy it, and slip into a musical diabetic coma.



6) Beyoncé - Irreplaceable
Let's face it, Beyoncé needed a bloody great ballad in her back catalogue to offset all those gloopy Destiny's Child stinkers. This will duly be her pension fund - a great big kiss-off to a cheating partner with not a small amount of ego in the chorus. "I can have another you in a minute" indeed. Get her.



7) Muse - Supermassive Black Hole
Muse generally write ridiculously overblown rock operas that would make Freddie Mercury think: "Actually, that's taking things a bit far", even if he was riding on Liberace's back in a gold lamé jumpsuit at the time. So this three-minute pop song was something of a surprise. Coming on like Britney Spears on one of her dark days, it made Muse fans furious. "It sounds just like a fucking song to dance to when you're at a wedding," fumed one. But isn't that exactly the point, my dear?



8) Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
Initially, this sounded like every other Red Hot Chili Peppers song ever. Seven months on, it still sounds like every Red Hot Chili Peppers song ever. But why change a successful formula? In fact, why not just go mental and make a double album of the same song over and over and over again? "Yes, that's what we should do," quoth the Peppers. Marvellous.



9) Nelly Furtado - Promiscous
Hmmm... I suspect this is making an appearance in the Top 10 because its right next to Maneater on Nelly's album, meaning I automatically listen to it at least twice a week. It has a clever lyrical conceit, if you discount all the other duets about a man and a woman chatting each other up - i.e. every duet in history except that one where Nick Cave does away with Kylie Minogues.



10) Girls Aloud - Something Kinda Ooooh
Well, they had to make an appearance, didn't they? The trailer for their hugely successful Greatest Hits album, Ooooh was a proper saucy little dance minx. There was an allusion to the sex act involving the bottom and something about a Toot-toot - which be a veiled reference to a lady's mimsy if I'm not mistaken. Oooh-er.



So, there you have it. If you haven't heard any of these (a) get thee to iTunes forthwith and (b) where have you been all year?

I'll be back in 2007 with my top 10 albums, and a review of Kylie's comeback tour in Wembley. Have a great New Year everyone!

Labels: amy winehouse, Beyoncé, discopop, Girls Aloud, gnarls barkley, muse, Music, Nelly Furtado, raconteurs, red hot chili peppers, Robyn, top ten

Hey! The tagline at the top of the blog has changed at last. For the past year, it's been a line from Girls Aloud's Biology (I've got one Alabama return that'll take me far away from you, fact fans). The replacement is a line from the Rakamonie EP by Sewdish pop starlet Robyn.

You might remember Robyn from her insanely catchy top 10 hit, Show Me Love, in 1998. The song was a big success in America, too, and Robyn looked to be on the brink of becoming an international pop star.

But just as she was about to embark on a tour with the Backstreet Boys she fucked off back to Sweden - having been diagnosed with "exhaustion". And there she stayed, releasing records that couldn't raise so much as an eyebrow outside the Scandanavian borders. Which is a shame, because they were really quite good indeed.

Consequently, Robyn went into a big huff and quit her record label - with plans to set up her own company. This is the point where such stories usually end... If you're George Michael or Prince, you spend so much energy wrestling control of your career from the big suits at Sony and Warner that you forget how to write good music and take the first bus out of town to the dumper. But Robyn has cuaght a completely different bus (or maybe she used a bike - I hear they have great cycle lanes in Sweden) and she's on track to reinvigorate her career.

The first three tracks on the Rakamonie EP, out last week in the UK, sound just like Missy Elliot doing Work It after drinking four litres of fizzy pop and inhaling a lungful of helium. Robyn, like Missy, has a knack for writing playful, inventive lyrics and a kooky approach to production. And, after the EP's initial triumverate of Euro-rap tracks, there's a touching torch ballad and a ragtime cover of Prince's perv classic Jack U Off.

You would not, it is fair to say, catch Kylie Minogue doing this sort of thing. Even in private.

Sadly, you will not be able to find this pop gem in the shops, because the shops are now shit. Instead, you can stream the whole thing on Robyn's website or buy it on iTunes. I recommend that you do.

Labels: Music, pop, Robyn