Friday, October 03, 2008
Stop press: Star struck by spot
The Western world is on the verge of economic collapse, Peter Mandelson is back in the UK cabinet and the USA is about to elect an air stewardess as vice-president - but what's on the front page of London's newpapers this morning? The revelation that Catherine Zeta Jones has acne.
According to the Sun, the following shots of the movie star's "odd complexion" have "caused a major stir" and her "make-up artist might need to go into hiding". Look at the evidence:
And, in case you missed them, here are those zits "in full":
Ignoring the fact that the first picture has some of the world's most unflattering lighting (just look at that enormous shadow), is this really, really the most important news event of the last 24 hours. And, even if it is, wouldn't the more approproate headline be "Actress Zeta Jones has functioning immune system"?
As Swiss author Mme de Stael said: "The more I see of man, the more I like dogs".
And I really, really dislike dogs.
According to the Sun, the following shots of the movie star's "odd complexion" have "caused a major stir" and her "make-up artist might need to go into hiding". Look at the evidence:
And, in case you missed them, here are those zits "in full":
Ignoring the fact that the first picture has some of the world's most unflattering lighting (just look at that enormous shadow), is this really, really the most important news event of the last 24 hours. And, even if it is, wouldn't the more approproate headline be "Actress Zeta Jones has functioning immune system"?
As Swiss author Mme de Stael said: "The more I see of man, the more I like dogs".
And I really, really dislike dogs.
Labels: catherine zeta jones, film, gossip, tawdry tabloid bollocks
Friday, May 25, 2007
Some ideas for Friday afternoon
:: Play 80s coin-op classic Asteroids - but with jazz. You get a really kick-ass bass solo if you score 10,000 (nb: I made that up).
[go to Fingertime]
:: Download some superpop MP3s from Sophie "my husband is in a band too" Ellis-Bextor and New Young Pony Club on Fluxblog.
[go to Fluxblog]
:: Marvel that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are still dating. Wasn't her whole last album about being cheated on and dumping your boyfriend? Am I missing something here?
[go to Perez Hilton]
:: Learn to play drums from the amazing Bernard Purdie (this is my favourite clip ever and of all time in perpetuity).
Labels: beyonce, gossip, Music, new young pony club, sophie ellis bextor, video
Monday, May 21, 2007
It's been a while, so what has been happening in the world of pop?
:: Rihanna went to number one with her Umberamella. You can stand under it, apparently.
:: Avril Lavigne did not get her waps out for Blender magazine, but they made it look like she did. Avril is not offended, because they paid her in whisky and cupcakes. So that's alright, then.
:: Cheryl Tweedy called Lily Allen a "chick with a dick" after heavy provocation from Gordon Ramsay on his not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be TV show the F-Word. How does she know? Did Ashley Cole [rest of joke deleted on advice of lawyers]?
:: George Michael told Parky that smoking spliffs is, like, totally awesome dude. "Nobody ever came home stoned and beat up their wife," he argues. And they say dope dulls the mind...
:: Beth Ditto got her top off at a concert and people went a bit bananas. It is best not to search for pictures on the internet unless you have a very happy relationship with jam roly poly.
:: Bjork's Volta album was not the return to form we'd all be promised. Instead, it sounded like two cats fighting over a washing machine.
:: Lily Allen wrote a love letter to Cheyl Tweedy on the myspace. "I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch ." Ouch!
:: A probably not very legal collection of rare Madonna and Nelly Furtado tracks went online at Only VIP Media. Get them while you can.
:: Michael Jackson is trying to put a stop to an auction of his personal effects which, claim the owners, include paintings of young naked boys. What’s this? Michael Jackson - the cuddly, friendly Peter Pan of Pop - likes pictures of young men all in the buff and nudey? I don't believe a word of this villainous claptrap.
:: Paris Hilton really is going to jail. In the words of Kermit the Frog: "Yayyyyy!"
:: Cheryl Tweedy 'remembered' (was told by a journalist) that Lily Allen has recently called her bandmates ugly and vile and husband Ashley Cole horrendous. "I can't stand people who give it but aren't prepared to get it back," she told The Sun. “I left school a long time ago and have no time for this." "Are you writing this down?" she probably did not add.
:: Germaine Greer read an article I wrote on the BBC website, likening Serbia's Eurovision-winning performance to a slow-motion lesbian porn film. "Shame on him," she wrote in The Guardian. I hold my hands up, Germaine. I've never seen a lesbian porn film. Have you?
:: Rihanna went to number one with her Umberamella. You can stand under it, apparently.
:: Avril Lavigne did not get her waps out for Blender magazine, but they made it look like she did. Avril is not offended, because they paid her in whisky and cupcakes. So that's alright, then.:: Cheryl Tweedy called Lily Allen a "chick with a dick" after heavy provocation from Gordon Ramsay on his not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be TV show the F-Word. How does she know? Did Ashley Cole [rest of joke deleted on advice of lawyers]?
:: George Michael told Parky that smoking spliffs is, like, totally awesome dude. "Nobody ever came home stoned and beat up their wife," he argues. And they say dope dulls the mind...
:: Beth Ditto got her top off at a concert and people went a bit bananas. It is best not to search for pictures on the internet unless you have a very happy relationship with jam roly poly.
:: Bjork's Volta album was not the return to form we'd all be promised. Instead, it sounded like two cats fighting over a washing machine.
:: Lily Allen wrote a love letter to Cheyl Tweedy on the myspace. "I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch ." Ouch!:: A probably not very legal collection of rare Madonna and Nelly Furtado tracks went online at Only VIP Media. Get them while you can.
:: Michael Jackson is trying to put a stop to an auction of his personal effects which, claim the owners, include paintings of young naked boys. What’s this? Michael Jackson - the cuddly, friendly Peter Pan of Pop - likes pictures of young men all in the buff and nudey? I don't believe a word of this villainous claptrap.
:: Paris Hilton really is going to jail. In the words of Kermit the Frog: "Yayyyyy!"
:: Cheryl Tweedy 'remembered' (was told by a journalist) that Lily Allen has recently called her bandmates ugly and vile and husband Ashley Cole horrendous. "I can't stand people who give it but aren't prepared to get it back," she told The Sun. “I left school a long time ago and have no time for this." "Are you writing this down?" she probably did not add.
:: Germaine Greer read an article I wrote on the BBC website, likening Serbia's Eurovision-winning performance to a slow-motion lesbian porn film. "Shame on him," she wrote in The Guardian. I hold my hands up, Germaine. I've never seen a lesbian porn film. Have you?
Labels: bjork, eurovision, george michael, Girls Aloud, gossip, Lily Allen, madonna, Michael Jackson, Music, Nelly Furtado
